lawyer jokes

“Your Honor,” said the smartest lawyer in the world, “my client is not guilty. He merely inserted his arm into a window and stole some jewelry. His arm is not himself. I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by one arm.”

“I agree,” nodded the judge. “I hereby sentence the defendant’s arm to one year in prison. He may accompany the arm or not.”

“Thank you, Your Honor,” said the defendant as he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Q: A woman from New York married ten different men from that city, yet she did not break any laws. None of these men died and she never divorced. How was this possible?

A: The lady was a Justice of the Peace.

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can’t understand.

An airplane was experiencing engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers return to their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around handing out business cards.”