An airplane was experiencing engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers return to their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around handing out business cards.”
A soccer hooligan is charged with disorderly conduct and assault after a match. The arresting officer states that the accused had thrown something into the river not far from the stadium.
“What exactly did the accused throw into the river?” the judge asks.
“Stones, sir,” the officer replies.
The judge is confused. “Well, that’s hardly an offense, officer.”
“It was in this case, sir,” the officer explains. “Stones was the name of the referee.”
A lawyer was talking to his teenage son about his future career. “Why do you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?” he asked. “What’s wrong with lawyers?”
“Well, Dad,” explained the boy, “I really want to help people. And when was the last time you heard anybody stand up in a crowd and shout frantically, ‘Is there a lawyer in the house?’”