Attorney: “She had three children, right?”
Attorney: “How many were boys?”
Attorney: “Were there any girls?”
Witness: “Your honor... I think I need a different attorney!"
A lawyer was talking to his teenage son about his future career. “Why do you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?” he asked. “What’s wrong with lawyers?”
“Well, Dad,” explained the boy, “I really want to help people. And when was the last time you heard anybody stand up in a crowd and shout frantically, ‘Is there a lawyer in the house?’”
An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. "Mr. Cohen," she says, "would you say you’re honest?"
"Honest?" replies Mr. Cohen. "Let me tell you something about honesty. My father lent me $75,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
"Dad sued me for the money."
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The attorney replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."