I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer came across as an intimidating showman.
After several questions, he asked, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?"
There was an awkward silence. All of a sudden you heard, "I do."
The lawyer looks around the courtroom, and then turns to the judge. "Your Honour, I wasn't asking you, I was asking the jurors."
A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.
He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan was that when he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.
Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife had gone up in the attic to clean. Coming upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash she exclaimed, "Oh, that darned old fool. He should have had me put the money in the basement."