a man hated lawyers with a passion and every time he would pass one while driving he would run him over
once while he was driving he saw a priest walking on the side. being a nice guy he offered him a ride. as he was driving he suddenly saw a lawyer so out of habit he turned to try to hit him. then remembering who was sitting in the back he right away swerved back on to the street. just then he heard a crash he turned around. the priest told him I see you missed him in the front so I got him with the back door!!!!
A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside: 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100!' An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."
Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"
Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
“The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with the money bags,” a defense lawyer confided to a suspect. “That’s nothing, said the suspect. “I can produce five hundred witnesses who didn’t see me running from the bank.”