A soccer hooligan is charged with disorderly conduct and assault after a match. The arresting officer states that the accused had thrown something into the river not far from the stadium.
“What exactly did the accused throw into the river?” the judge asks.
“Stones, sir,” the officer replies.
The judge is confused. “Well, that’s hardly an offense, officer.”
“It was in this case, sir,” the officer explains. “Stones was the name of the referee.”
A lawyer was talking to his teenage son about his future career. “Why do you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?” he asked. “What’s wrong with lawyers?”
“Well, Dad,” explained the boy, “I really want to help people. And when was the last time you heard anybody stand up in a crowd and shout frantically, ‘Is there a lawyer in the house?’”
An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. "Mr. Cohen," she says, "would you say you’re honest?"
"Honest?" replies Mr. Cohen. "Let me tell you something about honesty. My father lent me $75,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
"Dad sued me for the money."