A policeman was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. “Officer — did you see my client escaping the scene?”
“No sir. Be that as it may, I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.”
“Officer — who provided this description?”
“The responding officer.”
“A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?”
“Yes, sir. With my life.”
“With your life? Do you have a room where you change your clothes before your daily duties?”
“Yes, sir, we do.”
“And do you have a locker in the room?”
“Yes, sir, I do.”
“And do you have a lock on your locker?”
“Well officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, why do you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?”
“You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.”
I hired a lawyer who claims to have never lost a case. We lost the case and I said, "Well, there goes your advertising claim."
He replied, "I got paid and I call that a win!"
"What if I don't pay you?" I asked.
"I advise you to pay. I'll take you to court, get a judgement for the money you owe plus expenses. I'd call that a win win!"
I said, "Okay then, what do I owe you?"
His reply, "$2500 dollars plus $350."
"What's the 350 for?" I demanded to know.
His answer... "The advice I just gave you."
Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench. "Your Honor," said Bob, "I objected because my distinguished colleague Bill was badgering the witness. It is obvious he has never heard of the Bill of Rights."
"Rubbish!" snapped Bill. "I happen to know them by heart."
Bob rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now? Well, Bill, I have a hundred dollars that says
you can't even tell me the first few words."
Bill smirked and accepted the challenge and began, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."
"Damn," Bob interrupted, fishing the money from his pocket, "I didn't think you'd know it."