A motorist was on trial for striking a pedestrian. The motorist's lawyer made this point, "Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years."
To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted, "Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over 55 years!"
The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
“What’s the bad news?” asks the accused.
“The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”
“What’s the good news?”
“Your cholesterol is 130.”
A pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he called a plumber.
The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600.
The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!"
The plumber replied sympathetically, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer."