A police officer stops a young woman for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
Ron just got a new sports car and was out for a drive when he cut off a truck driver. The trucker motioned for Ron to pull over. When he did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told Ron to stand in the circle and not move. He then went to Ron's new car and cut up the leather seats. When the truck driver turned around Ron had a slight grin on his face.
"Oh, you think that's funny?" the trucker asked, "Watch this." He got a baseball bat out of his truck and broke every window in the car. When he turned and looked Ron had a smile on his face. This drove the driver into a rage. He got his knife back out and sliced all the tires. Now Ron was laughing. The truck driver really started to lose it. He went back to his truck and got a can of gas, poured it on the sports car and set it on fire. He turned around and Ron was laughing so hard he almost fell down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked him.
Ron replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle four times."
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't on.
3. Aren't you the guy from the village people?
4. Hey, you must have been going 125 mph just to keep up with me?
5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop?
6. Bad cop, No donut for you!
7. You're gonna check the trunk, aren't you?
8. I pay your salary.
9. That's terrific, the last guy only gave me a warning also.
10. Is that a 9 mm? It's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
11. What do you mean, have I been drinking? And you're a trained specialist?
12. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
13. That gut doesn't inspire too much confidence, bet I can outrun you.
14. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
15. I was trying to keep up with traffic.
16. Yes, I know there are no other cars around - that's how far ahead of me they are.
17. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got stuck between the brake and gas pedal,forcing me to speed out of control.
Preparing to go on vacation yet very concerned her apartment would be burglarized while she was gone, Mrs. Smilowitz taped a note to her front door saying, "WE ARE HOME." When she came back from her vacation she found the house was robbed and everything was gone except for the dining room table. On it was a note which read, "Where were you? We looked for you!"