dumb criminals jokes

Pickpocket (visiting friend in jail): "I hired a lawyer for you this morning, Slim, but I had to hand him my Rolex as a retainer."

Slim: "Did he keep it?"

Pickpocket: "He thinks he did."

An inmate at the local detention center was sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another inmate was watching. Finally the kibitzer spoke up, "Wait a minute. I just caught you cheating yourself."

"Shhh! Don't tell anybody but for years I've been cheating at solitaire. "

"You don't say! Did you ever catch yourself cheating,?"

"Nah, I'm too clever."

A criminal has an idea for a business. To execute the crooked plan he hires a partner. He explains everything, “First, you secretly flatten people’s car tires. Then, offer our tire changing service through an advertisement. Got it?”

A few weeks later, after getting no customers, the cops show up at their tire changing garage, placing them under arrest due to suspicious advertising. On the way to jail, the criminal who thought up the plan asks the partner about the advertisement.

“Well, I had a great idea. I realized we could save ourselves a lot of time by stabbing our flyer directly into the tire.”