The same guy has robbed the same bank three times in the last 30 days.
The FBI, in charge of preventing a fourth robbery ask the nervous bank teller, "Have you noticed anything in particular about the robber?"
"Yes," the teller replied. "I notice that each time he comes into the bank he's much better dressed."
I freaked out the electrician by opening the door in just my underwear.
I couldn’t tell what gave him a bigger shock – whether the fact that I was practically naked or that I got into his house.
Pickpocket (visiting friend in jail): "I hired a lawyer for you this morning, Slim, but I had to hand him my Rolex as a retainer."
Slim: "Did he keep it?"
Pickpocket: "He thinks he did."
An inmate at the local detention center was sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another inmate was watching. Finally the kibitzer spoke up, "Wait a minute. I just caught you cheating yourself."
"Shhh! Don't tell anybody but for years I've been cheating at solitaire. "
"You don't say! Did you ever catch yourself cheating,?"
"Nah, I'm too clever."