HENNE Profile

Image
 

HENNE

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 2118
# of followers : 32
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 4
Location: United States
won: $ 2359.00
$7.00 won 5 votes

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.

The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.

"Yes," she replied. "Please tell him Mother didn't come after all."

5 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "HENNE" |
$50.00 won 3 votes
rating rating rating rating rating
 

A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do whatever I want?"

The father answered immediately, "I don't know. Nobody has lived that long yet."

3 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "HENNE" |
$50.00 won 9 votes

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

9 votes

CATEGORY Airplane Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "HENNE" |
$50.00 won 3 votes
rating rating rating rating rating
 

Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument.

"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.

"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.

"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us."

The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"

"That's right," he called back, "two pints!"

3 votes

Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "HENNE" |