animal jokes

Michael and Timothy had just left the Pub and decided to take a shortcut through O'Leary's farm when they chanced upon O'Leary's prized stallion. Promptly, Timothy raised it's tail, took a quick swipe then applied it to his lips.

Michael, dumbfounded, asked: "Is horse manure good for chapped lips?"

Timothy replied: "I don't know, but it sure keeps me from lickin' em!"

Why can't leopards play hide and seek? They always get spotted.

The Three Bears were about to enjoy breakfast together as usual when they were interrupted by a terrible ROAARR outside their humble cottage. Immediately, the door came crashing in and this huge ugly, fierce looking bear stood in their midst!

Without hesitation, the monster slurped up Papa Bear's porridge, then Mama Bear's, finally licking every morsel from Baby Bear's little bowl.

Suddenly, the intruder produced a pistol and fired several shots through the cottage roof! Where upon the furry animal walked calmly out the open door and disappeared into the forest.

WHAT WAS THAT? exclaimed Papa Bear.

I HAVE NO IDEA! said Mama Bear.

I Think it was a Koala Bear said Baby Bear.

Oh, no, Son, insisted Mama and Papa Bear. That was too big and fierce for a Koala bear. I'm pretty sure it WAS a Koala bear, said Baby Bear, walking over to the family library, and pulling down the bear history book.

Sure enough! Under the heading, KOALA BEAR it read. .......eats, shoots, and leaves.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion...

... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.