animal jokes

What do you call a cow that had a baby?

Decaffeinated!

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey, and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!"

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk and slams him against a tree half a dozen times, leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and rambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"

Two snakes are slithering around. The first one looks at the second and asks "Hey, are we poisonous?"
The second one replies "No, why?"
The first one says "Whew! Cuz I just bit my lip!"

One fly says to another fly: "Psst. Hey your man is open!"