A guy walks into a restaurant with a small dog. The waiter says, "Sir, I'm very sorry, but we don't allow dogs in here."
The guy replies, "But this isn't just any dog ... this dog can play the piano!"
The waiter responds, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay and have a meal on the house!"
So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart ... and the waiter and patrons are enjoying the music. Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.
The waiter asks the guy, "What was that all about?"
The guy says, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."
A man opens his door and finds a snail on his front porch. He picks it up and throws it across the street.
A year later the man opens his door and finds the same snail on his front porch.
The snail looks up and says, "What the heck was that all about?!?!"