I took my cat’s meds by accident...
Don’t ask meow.
It's been really hot this summer.
The other day I saw a robin pulling a worm out of the ground using potholders.
After smattering a bazillion flying insects on his Jeep windshield, Harvey came to a stoplight. That very moment another sacrificial bug arrives —
“Mr. Harvey, I beg of you... spare my life and I’ll wash your windshield every day for a year!”
"Nah, I don’t think so," states Harvey.
“Why the heck not?” responds the bug.
‘Well, it’s my wife’s car, and she could use the exercise.”
During a terrible snowstorm a St. Bernard was sent out with his usual keg of brandy to find a lost hiker.
Two hours later, the dog came back to the rescue center with his little barrel empty and a note tucked under his collar.
Curious, the chief took the note, revealing it to say, "Enjoyed the brandy. Next time, please send a double!"