A client recently brought her two cats to my husband’s veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat.
She watched closely as I put each on the scale. “They weigh about the same,” I told her.
“That proves it!” she exclaimed. “Black does make you look slimmer and stripes make you look fat.”
A yellow Labrador walks into a job referral agency and asks if they have any openings for him. After the receptionist picks herself up off the floor, she asks the dog to come back in an hour. The dog agrees and walks out. As soon as the dog leaves she calls the circus and asks if they can use a talking dog.
"Of course," says the owner, "send him down."
An hour later, the dog walks back into the agency and the receptionist yells that she has a job for the dog in the circus.
To which the dog replies, "What does the circus want with a carpenter?"
There was a monkey sitting in a banana tree. He was very hungry. He knew that somewhere in the tree there was a magic banana, and that once he ate that banana, he wouldn't be hungry anymore.
He ate one banana. That wasn't it. He was still hungry. He ate another banana. That wasn't it either. He was still hungry.
Finally, after he ate his tenth banana, he wasn't hungry anymore. "I knew I'd find it," he said. "It's too bad that I didn't eat that one first. I wouldn't have to waste all those other bananas."