Billy: I asked my dog three questions and he got two of them right.
Trevor: What three questions?
Billy: I asked what covers a tree and he said bark. I asked him what the texture of bark is and he said ruff. I then asked him if he knew what the winning lottery numbers are next Saturday night?
Trevor: He missed the lottery number question right?
Billy: I don't know, I'll tell you on Sunday.
My wife and I went to the dog park yesterday. There was an elderly lady trying to coax her resistant toy poodle to come to her.
Being one that doesn’t mind helping others I picked up the little critter and passed it over to her.
She scowled at me and scurried off. I mentioned to my wife the lady wasn’t very grateful.
My wife replied by saying, “Perhaps you shouldn’t have used the pooper scooper.”
An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language."
"I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've never taught that bird to swear."
"Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor. "But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."