A struggling zoo's main attraction, a gorilla, dies during their most popular season. They can't afford to lose the gorilla so they secretly hire one of the employees to be a gorilla in a suit for an extra $500 a week.
He quickly becomes even more popular than the original gorilla, everyone wants to see the human like gorilla.
After a few months his popularity begins to wane so he decides to raise the stacks. He climbs out of his enclosure and dangles from a tree in the lion exhibit but he loses his grip and falls.
Scared he begins to yell for help, "Somebody help!"
With this the lion pounces on top of him and whispers, "Shut up or you'll get us both fired!"
An elderly woman walks into the butcher shop and shouts at the butcher, "That leg of lamb you sold me last week shrunk by six inches when I cooked it!"
"That's funny," said the butcher, "my wife knitted me a jumper, and when I washed it, it shrunk by six inches."
"Must have been from the same sheep."
A couple from the east decided to vacation out west and visited a dude ranch. During the stay the tenderfoot felt that he had observed the horse riders and would be able to ride one himself. He mounted the horse and a moment later painfully picked himself out of the dust in one corner of the corral.
"Man, oh man," he said. "She sure bucked something fierce!"
"Bucked," said a nearby cowpoke, "Rats, she just coughed."
A man bought a mousetrap. When he brought it home, he discovered that he had no cheese to bait it with. So he found a picture of some cheese and put the picture in the trap.
The next morning he went to the trap to see if it had caught anything. The picture of the cheese was gone. In its place was a picture of a mouse.