animal jokes

Category: "Animal Jokes"
$50.00 won 10 votes

Two men were at a race track discussing fast horses when one said he had a horse that was faster than an automobile.

"Faster than any automobile? Who was he sired by? You know his fathers name?"

"Why, he is so fast he ran away before he could find out his fathers name!"

10 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Egbert" |
$8.00 won 9 votes

There was a football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"

"I did," said the centipede.

"Who stopped the rhino?"

"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.

"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.

"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.

"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

9 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 7th Place won $8.00
posted by "maryjones" |
2 votes

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.

I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.

I pray I'll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!

2 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
3 votes

It doesn't take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter.

Dogs cannot lie.

Dogs never resist nap time.

You don't need to get extra phone lines for a dog.

Dogs don't pester you about getting a kid.

Dogs don't care if the peas have been touched by the mashed potatoes.

Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12 weeks old.

Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public.

Average cost of sending a dog to school: $42

Average cost of sending a kid: $103,000

3 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "merk" |