animal jokes

Category: "Animal Jokes"
3 votes

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

Regards,
Your Owner

3 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "wadejagz" |
2 votes

A truckload of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins.

It was a turtle disaster.

2 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "iqannnylirod" |
$6.00 won 2 votes

The man selling two-dollar tickets at Monmouth Racetrack registered complete surprise when a horse stepped up to the window, and asked to bet on himself.

"What's the matter?" snorted the horse. "Are you astonished that I can talk?"

"Not at all," said the man. "I'm surprised that you think you can win."

2 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Ed ORorke" |
$50.00 won 10 votes
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Three ants find an elephant asleep.

First ant says, "Let's get him!"

Second one says, "Let's beat him up!"

Finally the third ant says, "Leave him alone... it's not fair. Poor guy is all alone and we are three!"

10 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Bhanu Sandesh" |