animal jokes

Me: I taught my dog to play chess.

Friend: He must be very smart?

Me: Not really, I beat him two games out of three!

A friend of mine went on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant. It's lying on the ground in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it and the elephant happily trots away.

Twenty years later we were in London on business and were watching a circus procession pass by. When along comes an elephant, as it gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk and lift him into the air and smashes him into the ground.

It was a different elephant.

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head.

Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it until the bug squirted out into his bucket.

It went in one ear and out the udder.