A couple moved to the country after retirement. One mild winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the garage. So they bought a sub-sonic mouse repellent, a plug-in type that emits some kind of sound that drives off mice. The husband was showing it to their neighbor and explaining that it was an animal repellent. He told her that it worked on everything from mice to elephants.
"Really!?" she said. "Mice to elephants, eh?" sounding a bit skeptical.
"Yes," he replied, seriously. "We've had it here for a couple of weeks now, and we haven't had a single elephant in the garage the whole time!"
There is a guy who has a dog that doesn't obey him. He gets a recommendation for a great dog trainer and decides to go there. The dog owner walks in the room and asks, "Can you train my dog?"
The trainer replies, "Well, I can train your dog, and I will give you a quick demonstration of how I work."
He dumps a box full of bones on the floor and blows a whistle. A dog comes in and makes a skeleton with the bones.
"Wow!" says the dog owner, "What kind of dog is that?"
"That's a nurse's dog," responds the trainer.
Then he blows the whistle again and a second dog comes in the room. That dog makes a big building.
The dog owner says, "Wow! What kind of dog is that?"
"That's an architect's dog," replies the trainer.
Then the trainer blows the whistle again and a third dog comes in. That dog takes all the bones and runs away.
"What kind of dog is that?" says the dog owner.
"That's a lawyer's dog."
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry," said the auctioneer. "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?
A guy brings a dog to a bar and says he’s the smartest dog in the world.
Guy asks him: Name a character from West Side Story?
Dog: Riff Riff!
Guy asks him: What covers a building or a house?
Dog: Roof Roof!
Guy asks him: Who’s the best baseball player ever?
Dog: Ruth Ruth!
Bartender kicks them both out of the bar.
Dog: What went wrong? Should I have said Cy Young?