An antelope and a lion entered a diner and took a booth near the window. When the waiter approached, the antelope said, “I’ll have a bowl of hay and a side order of radishes.”
“And what would your friend have?”
“Nothing,” replied the antelope.
The waiter persisted, “Isn’t he hungry?”
“Hey, if he were hungry,” said the antelope, “would I be sitting here?”
I bet my friends I'd witnessed a 200 pound flying squirrel streaking above the bright lights of Hollywood...
I ended up losing that bet, it turned out to be Superman leaving a costume party.
Billy: I think we’ve over-trained our dog! Look at him—he’s a nervous wreck.
Wanda: Why not take him to a pet psychiatrist?
Billy: Oh, we can’t do that... one of the things we’ve trained him not to do is go on the couch!
Billy: I asked my dog three questions and he got two of them right.
Trevor: What three questions?
Billy: I asked what covers a tree and he said bark. I asked him what the texture of bark is and he said ruff. I then asked him if he knew what the winning lottery numbers are next Saturday night?
Trevor: He missed the lottery number question right?
Billy: I don't know, I'll tell you on Sunday.