animal jokes

I got one of those talking dog collars for my chihuahua who I named 'Ding-Bat'. The collar is supposed to tell you what the dog is trying to say.

Ding-Bat would just glare at me and say "merk, merk". I sent the malfunctioning collar back for repair. After two weeks it came back to me in the mail with a note. “Dear Sir, your dog’s collar is in perfect working order. The problem is your dog cannot pronounce his J’s.”

A man was driving down a country road and he was passed by what seemed to be a chicken that had three legs. The man sped up and followed the chicken, who turned down a long driveway leading to an old farm house. The man pulled up next to the house and out came a farmer, his wife, and their son.

The man said, "Did you see that, a three legged chicken!"

The farmer replied, "Oh yes, we once had a three legged chicken hatch so we bred it because all of us like to have a chicken leg at dinner and this solves the problem."

The man scratched his head and asked, "So how does it taste?"

The farmer replied, "Don't know, we ain't caught one yet."

What's the difference between a frog and a cat?

A frog croaks all the time, while a cat only nine times.

There are two flies on the ceiling. One fly says to the other fly, "Don't look now, but your man's open!"