"Can I buy a live shark here?"
"Lady, what do you want with a live shark?"
"A neighbor's cat has been eating my goldfish, and I want to teach him a lesson."
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No I deer!
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
This story takes place at a large valley. On one side of the valley lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfast of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit. "Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!"
"Not now! I'm eating."
"Oh come on!" said the rabbit. "It's really important."
"No way."
"Please. It's urgent."
So the bear decided to go all the way over to the other side of the valley. It took him half a day, he was exhausted. When he finally got there he was groaning and out of breath.
"Well, rabbit," he panted. "What did you want to tell me?"
"Hey, Teddy," the rabbit began, "look how many berries are on the other side of the valley."