In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered.
An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"
"He is, but tell me, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife asked.
"Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it!"
What is the soft mushy stuff between a shark's teeth?
Slow swimmers.
"Can I buy a live shark here?"
"Lady, what do you want with a live shark?"
"A neighbor's cat has been eating my goldfish, and I want to teach him a lesson."
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No I deer!