A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was 'all torn up'. "What happened?" he asked.
"Well, we were hunting the Mamba snake. It has orange and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck."
"Go on." the friend said.
"Well, I stealthily sneaked up to the tail laying across the jungle path, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward, just as the procedure goes."
"So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked.
"Have you ever 'goosed' a tiger?"
A grandfather and grandson were taking a nature hike together. The grandfather remarked how nature can teach us many lessons. The grandson asked which lesson was the most important one he had learned.
The grandfather replied, "Well, if you find a baby squirrel in the woods, don’t carry it in your shirt unless you’re wearing a very tight belt."