Teacher: Johnny what time is bedtime at your house?
Johnny: 8:30 PM, ma’am.
A few moments later
Johnny’s Best Friend: So what time did you go to sleep last night?
Johnny: 1:00 AM, after watching two movies and getting a snack.
How does a farmer patch his pants?
He uses a Cabbage Patch!
People can climb mountains,
People can scuba dive,
BUT THEY CAN'T MOVE THEIR THUMB TO TEXT ME BACK!
"Doctor, the problem is obesity runs in our family."
"No, the problem is no one runs in your family."