A young couple lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. Visiting the pet store, the young wife asked for a good guard dog.
"Sorry, we're all sold out," the clerk replied. "All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he does know karate!"
The woman didn't believe the clerk. The clerk said to the dog, "karate a chair." The dog broke the chair into pieces. Then he told the dog to "karate the table," and the dog quickly broke the table in half. So the woman bought the dog and took it home. Her husband was disappointed and skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog. The wife told him about the dog's excellent karate skills.
"Karate, my behind!" the husband replied sarcastically.
To this very day, he is still in the hospital.
Two men are in a truck driving around with a penguin. Noticing the penguin, a traffic cop stops the truck driver and tells him to take this animal to a zoo right away. The next day, the same cop sees the same two men in the same truck with the same penguin again.
He stops them and says, "Didn't I tell you guys to take this animal to a zoo yesterday?"
The driver replies, "We did officer! We are taking him to the movies today."
Why doesn't the ocean leak?
Because it has Seals.
The California D.O.T found over 200 dead crows on the highways recently and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah!", not a single one could shout "Bike!".