A man found a defenseless baby squirrel in the woods. He placed the tiny creature inside his shirt to carry it out.
When asked about his act of kindness he said, "No way I could leave this little critter in distress. However, I have a word to the wise, make sure you tighten your belt a notch or two before you toss one in your shirt."
There was once a handyman who had a dog named Mace. Mace was a great dog except he had one weird habit: he liked to eat grass -- not just a little bit, but in quantities that would make a lawnmower blush. And nothing, it seemed, could cure him of it. One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and looked, but it was nowhere to be found.
As it was getting dark, he gave up for the night and decided to look the next morning. When he awoke, he went outside and saw that his dog had eaten all the grass in the area, around where he had been working, and his wrench now lay in plain sight, glinting in the sun.
Going out to get his wrench, he called the dog over to him and said, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me."
An antelope and a lion entered a diner and took a booth near the window. When the waiter approached, the antelope said, “I’ll have a bowl of hay and a side order of radishes.”
“And what would your friend have?”
“Nothing,” replied the antelope.
The waiter persisted, “Isn’t he hungry?”
“Hey, if he were hungry,” said the antelope, “would I be sitting here?”