One of our clients brought in his massive Doberman pinscher to be spayed. As a veterinary assistant, I escort the patient into the doctor's office.
Before taking this dog's leash, I glimpsed those large teeth of hers and asked the owner, "Is she friendly?"
"Friendly?" said the man. "Friendly? She's had five litters! How much 'friendlier' than that can she get?"
The hardest part of making skimmed milk…
Is throwing the cows across the lake!
Fred was going out to lunch one day when he passed by a pet shop with a sign in the window reading, "Puppies for sale, only $10 dollars."
Unable to resist such a good deal, Fred went inside and bought one. As Fred arrived home a few moments later, his wife Louise came to greet him. "How was your lunch, dear?"
"Actually, I didn't buy lunch today." Fred replied.
Louise looks at him quizzically. "You didn't?"
"No," Fred replied. "You see, I passed by a pet shop with a great deal on puppies and ended up spending my money on Elvis?"
"Yes," Fred replied. "I ate nothin', bought a hound dog."
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a talking bird. The owner takes him to a parrot and says, "This parrot is guaranteed to speak after a little training."
The man seems skeptical but buys the bird.
The next day, he calls the pet store and says, "I spent three hours trying to get this parrot to speak, but I can't get a single word out of it."
The owner says, "Don't worry, sometimes their beaks are a little too long. Just file a little bit off of the tip. Just don't file too much or you could kill him."
The next day the man brings the parrot back to the pet store -- dead at the bottom of the cage. The owner sees that and says, "I told you not to file too much of his beak!"
And the mans says, "I didn't get a chance to file anything. He died right after I put him in the vise!"