bar & drinking jokes

Category: "Bar & Drinking Jokes"
$50.00 won 6 votes

A fella walks into a bar...

Unfortunately, there is a pile of dog poop just inside the door, and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up and walks to the bar and buys a drink.

Another man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of poop, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink.

The first guy turns to the new guy and, trying to strike up a conversation, points to the pile by the door and says, "I just did that."

The big guy punches him in the mouth.

6 votes

Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Leibel" |
0 votes

Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a fool.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

0 votes

posted by "Foxie" |
0 votes

This man walks into the bar with jumper cables wrapped around his neck.

The bartender says, "Sir, I'll serve you, as long as you don't start anything!"

0 votes

posted by "little Show" |
2 votes

Paddy and Michael were late getting home from the Pub and decided to take a shortcut through the Parish graveyard.

"Bejabbers" said Paddy, when stumbling over a marker, "Cassandra, 97, From Cork. She was a ripe old age!"

Michael chimed in: "Well, may the Saints preserve us, this stone reads: 'Miles, 122, from Dublin!"

2 votes

posted by "Donald Gaynor" |