bar & drinking jokes

A ditzy girl was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink. A dozen times the olive eluded her. Finally, another patron, who had been watching intently from the next stool, became exasperated and grabbed the toothpick.

"Here, this is how you do it," he said, as he easily skewered the olive.

"Big deal," she muttered. "I already had him so tired out, he couldn't get away."

“Poor Old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man trying to fish in a puddle of water outside of the bar. He decided to invite the old man inside for a drink.

As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught so far?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth today.”

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."