bar & drinking jokes
Favorite this joke A fella walks into a bar...
Unfortunately, there is a pile of dog poop just inside the door, and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up and walks to the bar and buys a drink.
Another man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of poop, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink.
The first guy turns to the new guy and, trying to strike up a conversation, points to the pile by the door and says, "I just did that."
The big guy punches him in the mouth.
Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a fool.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
This man walks into the bar with jumper cables wrapped around his neck.
The bartender says, "Sir, I'll serve you, as long as you don't start anything!"
Paddy and Michael were late getting home from the Pub and decided to take a shortcut through the Parish graveyard.
"Bejabbers" said Paddy, when stumbling over a marker, "Cassandra, 97, From Cork. She was a ripe old age!"
Michael chimed in: "Well, may the Saints preserve us, this stone reads: 'Miles, 122, from Dublin!"
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