bar & drinking jokes

Guy going home from the pub is stopped at a police checkpoint. A bobby comes over and tells the driver to roll down his window. When he does, the copper is almost knocked over with the smell of alcohol. So he asks: "Have you been drinking, suuur?" (as English cops are wont to say). "Yes", replies the driver. "What did you have exactly, suuuur"? "Well, about seven or eight pints of Guinness, a couple of whiskies, and then one or two night caps in the form of double brandies". The copper pulls out his breathalyzer and says, "Would you mind blowing into this, suuur"? To which the drunk dude retorts: "What for? Do you not believe me?"

A drunk was discovered late at night crawling along the Boardwalk at Atlantic City. A policeman approached him and asked: "What do you think you are doing?"
He answered: "Officer, I am going to climb this ladder, if it takes me all night!"

Two drunken men were driving home. The first started screaming: - Jim, watch out for the wall, watch out for the waaaaall! Baaaaam! They hit the wall. The next day in the hospital the first man asked his friend: - You good for nothing, I've been screaming for you to watch out, why didn't you? Jim answered him: - IT WAS YOU DRIVING!!!

Two drunks were staggering home along a railway line. “This is the longest staircase I’ve ever climbed, moaned one.
“It certainly is,” slurred his body. “And the banister’s so low; my back’s killing me.”