bar & drinking jokes

A man is in a pawnshop and sees this beautiful Grandfather Clock and winds up buying it. He asks the owner if he can deliver the clock and the owner replies that he cannot make deliveries. So only living a few blocks away the man decides to strap the clock on his back and carry it the few blocks.

After a block or so, a drunk comes staggering out of a bar and bumps into the man knocking him down on his back and smashing the clock to bits. He then jumps up and starts cussing the drunk out and saying, "Look what you did to my beautiful clock you idiot!”

The drunk then replies, "Gee buddy, I’m really sorry, but why don’t you wear a wristwatch like everyone else?"

A ghost walks into a bar at midnight, and asks the bartender for a Whisky.
The bartender says " Sorry we don't serve spirits after 11"

Three businessmen went to a luncheon at a restaurant.

While waiting for the waiter they were comparing papers. While passing a paper, the paper was ripped. At that the waiter returned to the table and request drink orders:
Waiter: What would you like, sir?
Businessman #1: Martini, please.
Waiter: how would you like it?
Businessman #1: on the rocks
Waiter: (to business man #2) what would you like?
Businessman #2: I'll have an iced tea
Waiter: (to business man #3) and you sir?
Businessman #3: A scotch.'
Waiter: how would you like it?
Businessman #3: TAPE!!

A drunk was leaning against a lamppost staring up at a signboard and yelling, "It can't be done, it's too big! Another drunk staggered by and slurred, "What can't be done?" The other drunk answered.
"What does that sign say, 'DRINK CANADA DRY'. "It's just too damn big, it can’t be done!"