bar & drinking jokes

One mighty fine morning a string walks into a bar. The bartender says,” We Don't want any strings." "I guess I will have to find a more understanding bartender." So the next day the same string walks into the same bar and says,” I want just one shot of Beer: original. "NOOOO!" The string gets kicked out and thinks up scheme so sinister it is worth a try. He comes back later used up of thinking, with frayed ends and a knot in his belly, made by himself. The bartender asked: "Aren't you that same string that came in here 2- days in a row?" "Nope, I'm a frayed knot." Says the string

A man walks into a pub and he asks the barman for a pint. All of a sudden he notices Vincent Van Gogh over the other side of the bar. The man asks, "Do you wanna pint, mate?" and Van Gogh says, "No thanks, I've got one ear!"

A long time drunk was lying in his hospital bed, still groggy from the effects of his recent operation. His doctor came in looking very glum.
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"All right," said the patient. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?"

Two strings go into a bar and ask for a drink each. The Bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't let strings drink here." The two strings leave and go into another bar and ask for a drink each. The Bartender of this bar says, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to let strings drink." One of the strings gives up. The other bashes himself into walls, winds himself up, and rubs against the carpet. When the string goes into the bar, he asks for a drink. The Bartender says, "Sure! By the way, you haven't seen a couple of strings walking around, have you?" The string replies, "Sorry! I'm afraid not!" (A frayed knot)