bar & drinking jokes

Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.
"I'll have a glass of blood," said one.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the other.
"Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and one blood-lite."

This snail crawls up to this bar as it was closing. The snail pounds and pounds on the door until the bartender finally opens the door. The bartender looks around and sees nothing until the snail demands a beer. The bartender looks down and sees him, but replies, "Hey, we're closed now and besides we don't serve snails!" and proceeds to slam the door.
The snail again pounds on the door. The bartender becomes so frustrated that he opens the door again and kicks the snail away.
A year later as the bartender was about to close again, he hears a pounding on the door again. He opens the door and looks down to see the same snail again. The snail looked up and replies, "What'd you do that for?"

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer," he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of whisky. He gulps it down and peeks into his shirt pocket. He orders another shot of whisky, gulps it down and peeks into his short pocket. He orders a third shot and does the same thing. After the sixth shot, he asks the bartender for the bill, pays and starts to walk out.
Curiosity gets the better of the bartender and he says to the guy, "Excuse me, but I noticed that every time you drank a shot, you kept looking into your pocket. I was wondering what's in your pocket."
The guy slurs, "Well, I have a picture of my wife in my pocket. I keep drinking until she starts to look good."