bar & drinking jokes

Phil had just joined a club after his friend had recommended it (being a member for quite some time). They were sitting at the bar having their beers when someone yelled "21" and there was a small uproar of laughter. A few minutes later someone else yelled "34" and another roar of laughter rose up. Phil, confused about this asked his friend "Why is everyone laughing at the numbers being called out" His friend said, well we've been telling the same jokes for so many years that we just numbered them all and if you want to tell a joke you just call out a number" Phil nodded and said "Can I try?" His friend nodded and Phil called out "121" and everyone in the club roared with laughter and it didn't die down for at least another 15 minutes after. "Why did everyone laugh so hard at that joke?" Phil asked. His friend said with a small chuckle "We haven't heard that one before." 

There were two strangers sitting in a bar, one says to the other. "Psst, wanna see somethin'?" The other man shrugged and agreed. The first man pointed to an object covered by a cloth. "Look under that cloth but DO NOT take it off. So the man walks over to the object that is quite large and peeks under it. However, when he saw what was under it he screamed and accidentally pulled the cloth off. It was a one eyed purple monster! The man was so scared he took off in his car. The monster was hot on his trail. He drove to the airport and on the plane he felt safe but he looked into the ocean and the monster was swimming after him to Africa! When he got there he ran off the plane without his luggage. He couldn't run anymore and the monster was coming closer. He could feel it's hot breath. He stopped and the monsters big hand reached down. The man knew this was his last day when he heard in a growling voice as an impact hit him, YOUR IT! And the monster ran away. 

The Old Man and the Sea
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" 
The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off". 
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"? 
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off." 
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? 
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye", replied the pirate. 
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked. 
"Well..." said the pirate, "That was my first day with the hook." 

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Hey bartender. If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The bartender says "sure" and the drunk pulls a frog out of his pocket and sets it down on the table. The frog then plays the best jazz the bartender heard in years and he gives the drunk his free drink. The drunk says " hey bartender. If I show you another trick will you give me another free drink?" The bartender says "If it's anything like the trick you just showed me, you can drink the rest of the night for free." So the drunk pulls a rat out of his pocket and the rat starts singing. The bartender starts pouring drinks for the drunk as fast as the drunk could drink them. Two hours later, an agent walks into a bar and sees the frog and the rat. He walks up to the bartender and says "That's the greatest act I've seen in years. Who owns that act?" The bartender points to the drunk who's passed out on the floor and says "He does." The agent wakes the drunk and says" That's the greatest act I’ve seen in years. I'll give you $100,000 for that act." The drunk says "There not for sale." "Ok," the agent says "then I'll give you $50,000 for the singing rat." "It's a deal" the drunk says so the agent gives him the money and leaves with the rat. "I can't believe you! You had a million dollar rat there you just passed it up for a measly 50 grand" The bartender yells. "Relax," said the drunk, "The frogs a ventriloquist."