bar & drinking jokes

Three drunks hailed a taxi. The taxi driver seeing that they were so wasted when they got in, he just switched on the engine and switched it off, and said we are here.

The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said thanks, but the 3rd guy slapped him. The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized the car didn't move an inch.

"So what was that for?" he asked.

"Control your speed next time, you almost killed us!"

Two drunks are sitting elbow to elbow at a bar. “I wish I knew where I was going to die,” Paul says.
“Why?” asks Tom
“Because if I knew I would not go there “Paul replied.

Its Mike’s first day on the job as a bartender. As he serves a customer a Manhattan, a piece of parsley falls into the drink.

“What the hell is that?” the customer asks.

“It’s your Manhattan. And there’s Central Park.” he replied.

At a bar Tom said to Bill; “Uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took wheels from a Cadillac, radiator from a Lexus, tires from a Ford”
“What did he get? Asked Bill
“Two years.” Said Tom