bar & drinking jokes

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern.
"Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day."
"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

A horse goes into a bar and the barman says how can I help, the horse says a bottle of beer please and the barman says "why the long face" ? ;-)

The other day i was in the pub when the waitress approaches me to take my order,
I noticed she had two black eyes

she asks 'what would you like to order?'

I replied with what i wanted to eat, making sure to speak very clearly and loudly because it was obvious she wasn't a great listener!