bar & drinking jokes

I called into my local pub to find O"Reily nursing a black eye, and looking very sorry for himself. "so what happened to yourself O'Reily?"
"well, today's Monday, yesterday was Sunday and I was in church. We stood to sing the hymns when I noticed that mrs. Magilicuddy who was stood in front of me, had her lovely sunday frock stuck in her cheeks, so I reached over and pulled it back out. well she swung around and belted me with her handbag!"
" Ah bad luck O'Reily, you being such a gentleman and all"
The very next week I called into the pub again to find O'Reily battered and bruised all over! " What happened to yourself O'Reily?"
"Well today's Monday, yesterday was Sunday And I was in church with Shamus, we stood to sing the hymns and mrs. Magilicuddy had her sunday frock all jammed up so Shamus pulled it out for her.Now I knew she doesnt like that so I quickly tucked it back in!

A man walks into a bar with a Newt on his shoulder.
Barman: What's that ?
Man: It's a Newt.
Barman: What do you call him ?
Man: Tiny.
Barman: Why
Man: Because he's my newt.

A man in a bar visited the men's room, leaving his drink on the bar. On his return he found that someone had drunk it.
The next time he left a notice beside his drink. “I spat in this”.
On his return he found written underneath.
So did I.

A man in a bar visited the men's room, leaving his drink on the bar. On his return he found that someone had drunk it.
The next time he left a notice beside his drink. “I spat in this”.
On his return he found written underneath.
So did I.