bar & drinking jokes

Two men are drinking in a bar. One turns to the other and says, "I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye." The second fellow thinks to himself, I guess he's had about enough, so he replies, "OK, you're on." The first man takes out his glass eye and bites it. So the second man has to pay. Awhile later the first man says, "I bet you $100 I can bite my other eye." The second man thinks, well, he can't have TWO glass eyes; he obviously can see. So he says, "All right, you're on." The second man promptly takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye.

Two men are drinking in a bar. The first man tries to strike up a conversation with the second, but the second man says, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you; I'm deaf." So the first man pulls out a pad of paper and a pencil, and they get a lively conversation going on paper. Soon a third man joins them, and all three are conversing on paper. By and by the deaf man leaves, and the two hearing men continue their conversation -- on paper.

A turtle was walking through the park when two snails attacked, punched, kicked, and stole his wallet. The police arrived and asked, “What happen to you, were you attacked, were you robbed?” The turtle on his back, bruised, with one eye shut, said "I don't know officer, it happen so Fast"

One man to his friend, what an automated society we live in.
Have you ever noticed that when a traffic light turns green, it automatically
activates the horn of the car behind you?”