bar & drinking jokes

A bear walked into a bar, slapped a $50.00 bill on the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender looked at the $50 bill, then at the bear and said; "I'll be back in a minute." He went to his manager and stated what had just occurred. The manager told him to go back to the bar, give the bear a beer, $.50 change and strike up a conversation.
The bartender drew a beer, placed it on the bar, took the $50 bill, tossed fifty cents on the bar and said; "You know we don't get many bears in here". The bear looked at the 50 cents, then at the beer, then said to the bartender; "$49.50 for a beer I can see why!"

An entrepreneurial woman is sitting at a bar a man approaches her and says; hi honey! want a little company? Why? Asks the woman. Do you have one to sell??

At a small pub near to a GP's practice, Dr. Hall who ran the practice used to call into the pub after he'd shut the practice for the night and have an Almond sprinkled Jackory. One particular night, Bill the barman calls the landlord, "Mr. West, we're out of almond, and Dr. Hall's after his almond jackory, anything taste like almond what we could use instead?" Use hickory, the landlord said
Bill heads back to the bar, and speaks to Dr. Hill, We're out of almonds, but instead I could give you a "hickory jackory doc."

Guy going home from the pub is stopped at a police checkpoint. A bobby comes over and tells the driver to roll down his window. When he does, the copper is almost knocked over with the smell of alcohol. So he asks: "Have you been drinking, suuur?" (as English cops are wont to say). "Yes", replies the driver. "What did you have exactly, suuuur"? "Well, about seven or eight pints of Guinness, a couple of whiskies, and then one or two night caps in the form of double brandies". The copper pulls out his breathalyzer and says, "Would you mind blowing into this, suuur"? To which the drunk dude retorts: "What for? Do you not believe me?"