bar & drinking jokes

A man walks into a bar. He gets very drunk and asks the bartender where the restroom is.

The bartender explains it's the third door to the right, but the man goes into the third door to the left. He finds a large golden toilet. The man takes a big poop in it and leaves.

He continues to return to drink there every week, and every time he goes to poop in that golden toilet.

One day he finds the golden toilet is gone, so he asks the bartender about it.

The bartender exclaims, "So you're the one who's been pooping in my tuba!"

A charity worker knocked on Mrs Smiths door and said " Hello, I'm collecting for a home for drunkards. Can you donate anything?".

"Yes" replied Mrs Smith "If you come back after closing time you can have my husband".

Two men are sitting in a restaurant bar at the top of a skyscraper. After each had a few drinks, one says to the other, ”I bet you didn’t know about the updrafts between these skyscrapers. They are so strong, you could jump and the wind will lift you right back where you started.”

The other guy said, “Nah, I find that hard to believe.”

The first said, “It’s true! I’ll prove it. Let’s go out to the balcony.”

They both walk to the balcony and the first guy jumps the rail. After a few seconds, a loud whooshing sound is heard and sure enough, the first guy lands back on the balcony.

The second guy just stares for a while, then looks over the side to see if there was a platform or net. “This has to be some kind of trick.”

The first guy says, “No really, it works!” To prove it, he once again jumps the rail and the same thing happens. “You try it!”

The second guy jumps over the rail and falls the many stories to the pavement below.

The first guy goes back in a sits at the bar.

The bartender walks over, delivers another drink and says, “Wow! You’re really mean when you get drunk, Superman!”

This guy was drinking at the bar counter. Every time he took a drink he would pull something from his pocket and look at it. Eventually the curiosity of the bartender got the better of him and he asked the guy what he is looking at. He replied: I’ve got a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she begins to look good I know I have had enough.