bar & drinking jokes

A charity worker knocked on Mrs Smiths door and said " Hello, I'm collecting for a home for drunkards. Can you donate anything?".

"Yes" replied Mrs Smith "If you come back after closing time you can have my husband".

Two men are sitting in a restaurant bar at the top of a skyscraper. After each had a few drinks, one says to the other, ”I bet you didn’t know about the updrafts between these skyscrapers. They are so strong, you could jump and the wind will lift you right back where you started.”

The other guy said, “Nah, I find that hard to believe.”

The first said, “It’s true! I’ll prove it. Let’s go out to the balcony.”

They both walk to the balcony and the first guy jumps the rail. After a few seconds, a loud whooshing sound is heard and sure enough, the first guy lands back on the balcony.

The second guy just stares for a while, then looks over the side to see if there was a platform or net. “This has to be some kind of trick.”

The first guy says, “No really, it works!” To prove it, he once again jumps the rail and the same thing happens. “You try it!”

The second guy jumps over the rail and falls the many stories to the pavement below.

The first guy goes back in a sits at the bar.

The bartender walks over, delivers another drink and says, “Wow! You’re really mean when you get drunk, Superman!”

This guy was drinking at the bar counter. Every time he took a drink he would pull something from his pocket and look at it. Eventually the curiosity of the bartender got the better of him and he asked the guy what he is looking at. He replied: I’ve got a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she begins to look good I know I have had enough.

The Lone Ranger rides into town during the hottest part of summer. He stops outside a saloon and tells Tonto to run in circles around silver, waving his poncho to keep a nice breeze on the horse while he goes in for a drink.

A couple of minutes later, a man dressed in black swaggers into the bar and says, "You the Lone Ranger?" "Yes I am" the Lone Ranger replies. "Well", says the man in black, "Did ya know ya left your injun runnin?"