bar & drinking jokes

The perfect martini starts with pouring gin, vermouth, and olives into the trash where they belong.

DRINK WHISKEY!!!

Sign outside the pub: Come in and meet your future ex-wife!

That new bar down the street is running a GREAT special...

Buy one beer for the price of two and receive a second beer absolutely FREE!

An organ grinder and a monkey enter a tavern and take a couple seats at the bar.
"Give me a shot of whiskey!" said the organ grinder to the bartender.

"I'll have the same," said the monkey.

The bartender looks in astonishment as he pours the drinks.

"What's the special here?" the organ grinder asks.

"Yeah," the monkey chimes in. "We're starving."

"O.K.," says the bartender. "What's going on here? You're a monkey. You can't talk!"

"I sure can! Not only can I talk, but I'm also a ventriloquist!"