What is the difference between a salon and a saloon?
A salon is where you go to make yourself look better.
A saloon is where you go to make everyone else look better.
A friend and I were in a bar fight with the bar bully.
We took him to court for medical costs for stitches and a concussion when he hit my buddy with a beer bottle.
The judge asked him what he had to say for himself. He said, "Your honor, I only used a lite beer!"
A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bird is wearing a baseball cap.
The bartender says, “Hey, that’s neat. Where did you get that?”
The parrot says, “France—they’ve got millions of them there.”
A wife complained, “You never listen to me. You only hear what you want to hear...”
The husband replied, “Sure honey, I’ll have a beer.”