A bartender broke up with her boyfriend...
But he kept asking her for another shot.
A man found a magic lamp with a genie who offered him three wishes.
"For my first wish," he said, "I'd like to be rich."
"Okay, Rich," the genie replied, "what's your second wish?"
"Did you tell her that what you said was in strict confidence?"
"No, I didn't want her to think it was important enough to repeat."
''Say, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?'' asked one drunk to his friend at the next bar stool.
''Well, I'd have to say it's a bag that tells you when you've drunk way too much,'' answered the equally wasted gent.
“Ah hell, whaddya know, I've been married to one of those for years and years now.''