At the monthly meeting of the local group of struggling artists, two of them were discussing their respective prospects.
First artist: "I'm not doing too well. I painted a picture for a local lady but she didn't like it. She said it made her look just like a monkey."
Second artist: "I hope you were diplomatic about it?"
First artist: "Yes, I told her she should have thought about that before she had her picture painted."
Theater patron 1: "There was a fire in the dressing room of the star backstage. The firemen were there for six hours."
Theater patron 2: "Am I understanding you correctly that it took six hours to put out a fire in the dressing room?"
Theater patron 1: "Oh no, it took only one hour to put out the fire. It took another five hours to put out the fireman."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on...
After the seventh order, the bartender stops and says, “You fellas ought to know your limits!”