bar & drinking jokes
Favorite this joke A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.
"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"
"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."
A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a police officer.
Officer: "Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?"
Man: "I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I will get out of air."
Officer: "Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood test."
Man: "I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death."
Officer: "Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line."
Man: "Can't do that either."
Officer: "Why not?"
Man: "Because I'm dead drunk!"
The reason they named a bar a bar and not a fly is because wedding invitations work much better when it’s announced they’re having an open bar.
The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed.
"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.
"Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.
"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
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