bar & drinking jokes

Category: "Bar & Drinking Jokes"
$7.00 won 10 votes

At the monthly meeting of the local group of struggling artists, two of them were discussing their respective prospects.

First artist: "I'm not doing too well. I painted a picture for a local lady but she didn't like it. She said it made her look just like a monkey."

Second artist: "I hope you were diplomatic about it?"

First artist: "Yes, I told her she should have thought about that before she had her picture painted."

10 votes

Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$12.00 won 11 votes

It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.

It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

11 votes

Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "Gegg Smith" |
$6.00 won 10 votes

Theater patron 1: "There was a fire in the dressing room of the star backstage. The firemen were there for six hours."

Theater patron 2: "Am I understanding you correctly that it took six hours to put out a fire in the dressing room?"

Theater patron 1: "Oh no, it took only one hour to put out the fire. It took another five hours to put out the fireman."

10 votes

Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Pshark1998" |
9 votes

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on...

After the seventh order, the bartender stops and says, “You fellas ought to know your limits!”

9 votes

posted by "Chloe2015" |