bar & drinking jokes

Category: "Bar & Drinking Jokes"
3 votes

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once but I didn't like it."

So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"

But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once but I didn't like it."

The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son."

The bartender said, "Let me guess, your only son?"

3 votes

$5.00 won 10 votes

Artist: "This is my very latest painting. I call it 'Builders at Work'... it's very realistic."

Friend: "But they really aren't at work."

Artist: "Of course, that's the realism."

10 votes

Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Everleigh" |
$12.00 won 9 votes

A gold-digger had died and all her worldly possessions, including a parrot, were being auctioned off.

"What am I offered for this beautiful bird?"

"One bean," bid a bystander.

"Two bucks," roared another.

"Make it five, Daddy," croaked the parrot, "and I'll give you a kiss."

9 votes

Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "barber7796" |
$12.00 won 11 votes

A young man fell into a deep coma, but recovered before his friends had buried him. One of his friends ask him what it felt like to be dead.

"Dead? I wasn't dead and I knew it because I was hungry and my feet were cold."

"But, how did that make you so sure?"

"Well, I knew if I was in heaven I wouldn't be hungry, and if I were in the other place, my feet wouldn't be cold."

11 votes

Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "Benjones" |