Two drunks were babbling about when they were born as they leaned heavily against the bar.
"You know," said one, "when I was born I weighed a pound and a half, and that's a fact."
"You don't say," said the other. "And did you live?"
"Did I live?" exclaimed the first. "Heck man, you ought to see me now."
Uncle Jack drove up to the drug store in high distress. He stamped into the store, talking to himself.
"Are you the fresh young fellow that sold me this this stuff yesterday and told me it was toothpaste?" Uncle Jack inquired of the clerk.
"Yes sir," replied the clerk.
"Well, this morning I tried for half and hour, and I'll be darned if it would make my teeth stick in!"