A barhopping fellow, four sheets to the wind, stumbles into a bar and declares "I'm buying everyone in the bar a drink! Line 'em up, bartender!"
So the bartender pours everyone a drink, and frivolity commences until the bartender says to that first guy, "OK, that'll be $210."
The drunk guy says, "I don't have that kind of money!"
The bartender throws him out. A few minutes later, the drunk staggers back into the bar. This time he says, "I'm buying everyone in this bar a drink! Except for you bartender, when you drink, you get nasty."
A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.
"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"
"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."
A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a police officer.
Officer: "Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?"
Man: "I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I will get out of air."
Officer: "Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood test."
Man: "I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death."
Officer: "Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line."
Man: "Can't do that either."
Officer: "Why not?"
Man: "Because I'm dead drunk!"