Jerry was sitting down for breakfast one morning when he was astonished to see in the paper an announcment of his own death.
He called his friend at once, "Jim, have you seen the announcement of my death in the paper?"
Jim replied, "Yes, and exactly where are you calling from?"
Looking at a home in a new neighborhood the prospective buyer ask the man next door: "Besides yourself, how many knaves do you suppose live on this street?"
"Besides myself?" replied the other. "Do you mean to insult me?"
"Well then," said the first. "How many do you reckon including yourself?"
Bartender: I've got a new cocktail for you. It's a cross between beer and whiskey and it's the name of a children's sidewalk game.
Patron: Oh, cool! What is it?
Two friends met after not seeing each other for a couple of months.
Bill: "Jack, you look like you not doing well?"
Jack (swiping the sweat off his brow): "I ain't been ill. It's the work doing me in. Working from seven in the morning till six at night. Only one hour for a break. Think of it. Very taxing on ones body."
Bill: "Wow, and how long has this been going on? How long you been working for that company?"
Jack: "Oh, I haven't been there yet. I begin tomorrow," he added gloomily.