bar & drinking jokes

Category: "Bar & Drinking Jokes"
$10.00 won 12 votes

The speaker was genuinely enthusiastic about the virtues of temperance but his face made people doubt him.

Towards the close of his testimony he squared his shoulders, held his head tall, and said, "I have lived in this town all my life. in this town there are fifty-five public houses that sell liquor, and I am proud to say that I have never been in one of them!"

Then came a small voice from the back, "Which one is that?"

12 votes

Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "Egbert" |
$7.00 won 10 votes

At the monthly meeting of the local group of struggling artists, two of them were discussing their respective prospects.

First artist: "I'm not doing too well. I painted a picture for a local lady but she didn't like it. She said it made her look just like a monkey."

Second artist: "I hope you were diplomatic about it?"

First artist: "Yes, I told her she should have thought about that before she had her picture painted."

10 votes

Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$12.00 won 11 votes

It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.

It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

11 votes

Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "Gegg Smith" |
$6.00 won 10 votes

Theater patron 1: "There was a fire in the dressing room of the star backstage. The firemen were there for six hours."

Theater patron 2: "Am I understanding you correctly that it took six hours to put out a fire in the dressing room?"

Theater patron 1: "Oh no, it took only one hour to put out the fire. It took another five hours to put out the fireman."

10 votes

Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Pshark1998" |