bar & drinking jokes

His wife returned from the morning shopping expedition and called her husband into the room from the garden.

"Frederick," she said heavily, "When you came home last night you told me you had been to the Grand Hotel with Mr. Wilson. I just met Mrs. Wilson, and she said you were both at the Trocadero. Why did you lie to me like that."

Hubby groaned. "When I came home last night I couldn't say 'Trocadero.'"

One afternoon there was a group of tourists on tour going through an ancient castle in Europe. They were accompanied by a tour guide.

The guide said that the majestic castle was over 700 years old. He added that nothing had been altered or touched in all those years.

One of the tourists blurted out, "Sounds like they have the same cheap landlord I have!"

Jerry was sitting down for breakfast one morning when he was astonished to see in the paper an announcment of his own death.

He called his friend at once, "Jim, have you seen the announcement of my death in the paper?"

Jim replied, "Yes, and exactly where are you calling from?"